I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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