I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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