Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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