and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
