My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
