weddingsv make me drug and hornr
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize