It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
