I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
