I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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