that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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