So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
