While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
