she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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