she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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