if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
