Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
