listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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