He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
