yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
