Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize