it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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