duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
MIDGETS
????
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
