I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
