Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
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Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
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You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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