he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
