I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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