2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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