i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
