OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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