Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
