You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
