Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
