I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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