Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?

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  (973): On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now? http://tfl.nu/9ud5
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i wish peter jackson would direct porn

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  (715): i wish peter jackson would direct porn http://tfl.nu/76vz
  Replies (14) Good night (3716) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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  (440): you were so drunk you slurred your pauses http://tfl.nu/u543
  Replies (6) Good night (4243) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.

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  (518): i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke. http://tfl.nu/bbix
  Replies (24) Good night (4096) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie

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  (805): the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie http://tfl.nu/n8tx
  Replies (20) Good night (6268) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."

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  (805): woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream." http://tfl.nu/w9nn
  Replies (11) Good night (4407) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors

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  (810): i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors http://tfl.nu/jlfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1815) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.

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  (707): I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/fbru
  Replies (9) Good night (3506) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?

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  (260): Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers? http://tfl.nu/8xa0
  Replies (4) Good night (402) Bad night (1560) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.

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  (804): If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks. http://tfl.nu/t0d1
  Replies (25) Good night (601) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.

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  (904): I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends. http://tfl.nu/6wle
  Replies (3) Good night (742) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight

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  (614): i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight http://tfl.nu/khiw
  Replies (8) Good night (728) Bad night (134) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.

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  (301): You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight. http://tfl.nu/hmqk
  Replies (5) Good night (580) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.

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  (506): I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks. http://tfl.nu/uhzd
  Replies (7) Good night (232) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.

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  (561): I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics. http://tfl.nu/2iwb
  Replies (4) Good night (383) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt

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