1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you