I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.