just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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