She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it