Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.