I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
