I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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