Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
