You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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