i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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