Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
