im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
