dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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