I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
