I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
