but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
