cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
