i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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