its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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