I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize