I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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