I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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