How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
