Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

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(314): View more from Missouri

every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.

Fav 13 5382 1289
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(503): View more from Oregon

If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me

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(770): View more from Georgia

The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.

Fav 10 3053 1316
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(309): View more from Illinois

Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates

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(651): View more from Minnesota

He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.

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