P.S. I can't hear my feet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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