A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
