I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
