i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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