I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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