The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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