Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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