was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
