My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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