she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
