dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
