Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He passed out mid-signature
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
