I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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