I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
