Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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