my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
In America we eat man semen.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
