isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
