my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
