drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
