hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
